Writing a new word

There are times when words are useless.
Times when you say something and then immediately realize that you meant something else.
Times when you write something down on a page, look at it, and realize that it’s completely fucked up. So you erase it and then write something new. And then realize that it’s contrived and pretentious. So you erase than and write something brand new. And then realize that nobody will understand the message that you intended to convey anyways.

So you erase that, and then start writing about the process of writing.

Then you glance at the clock and realize that you only have five minutes until you need to drag your body elsewhere.

But your mind remains on that page of paper.

And your soul remains somewhere else.

But the meaning lingers. That essence of something that needs to be conveyed, needs to be written, needs to be shared with the world.

But it’s stuck in your head, and lost in space, and unable to get out.

And you decide that there needs to be a new word to use instead of Fuck. Fuck is great at conveying anger, dismay, annoyance, stress, and all those lovely things that we try to rid our mind and body of, yet somehow feel lonely without.
But I need to find a word to convey the absolute *&^% (don’t have a word for it yet) at not being able to get what is in your mind out into the world. It’s beyond writer’s block. That only affects writers. I’m not a writer. It’s not a communication issue. I’m a pretty good communicator. People tell me that.

Any suggestions on a new word?